• Feedback comes in many different forms
• “Feedback is my relationship with the world and the world’s relationship with me”
• feedback is one of the toughest conversations that happens in all organizations
• people all of the world struggle with feedback conversations
• these conversations drive organizational learning, employee engagement, and cross-functional collaboration
• in any exchange between giver and receiver, the receiver is in charge because they can choose what they want to receive
• what might it look like to teach receivers how to receive feedback, even poorly delivered feedback
• 2 human needs - the need to learn and grow (this is energizing) “feedback should be joyful”
• the need to be accepted or respected or loved the way we are now
• types of feedback (we need all three) - A ppreciation being noticed by others which gives motivation
• C oaching anything that helps you grow, learn, get better (as you get more senior you have a tougher time receiving coaching)
• E valuation rating and ranking
• 93% of American workers feel under-appreciated at work
• evaluation and coaching get tangled together which removes the effectiveness of the coaching
• even when we hear coaching we don’t always take it - it was wrong
• we don’t trust them
• being too stubborn
• being too young
• many others reasons…
• boundaries are important “if you can’s say no then your yes’ are freely given” - we decide too fast (when feedback comes in we look for what is wrong and can always find something wrong)
• 3 trigger reactions to feedback - truth triggers: is it true, good, accurate
• relationship triggers: who is giving the feedback
• identity triggers: the story you tell yourself about who you are and your wiring
• skills to receiving feedback - (1) not deciding if the feedback is right or wrong and, rather, think about what the giver means
• (2) See yourself clearly and accurately (everyone has blind spots) - facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, patterns of behavior, impact on others
• talk to your friends for help: (1) supportive mirror to encourage around what is wrong with the feedback (2) honest mirror to find out what might be right with the feedback
• when leaders become better receivers - receive more feedback
• become a role model
• automatically become a better giver
• become a better giver - don’t ask people for feedback in a general way
• “one thing” pick one person who matters in my life and ask: - What’s one thing you particularly appreciate?
• What’s one thing you see me doing – or failing to do – that you think I should change (or is getting in the way?
• “We need each other to see our own limitations and where to grow next”
• “Feedback accelerates your personal, professional, and spiritual growth”

Originally published on stephen.braunius.org