• “The story that I’m telling myself now is…” - What is the emotion that comes up when we try to connect with someone and reach out…Shame
• anger is secondary emotion that always covers up some other emotion
• Number one shame for women: body image
• Number one shame for men: appearance of weakness and number one perpetrator is women
• when someone shares something sacred with you and then you use it back to the person it is incredibly hurtful…an unholy act
• We need to be able to share: - Here’s what scares me.
• Here’s what I’m afraid of.
• We want more love and vulnerability. This can only happen by being more vulnerability.
• our brain is hardwired the instant something bad happens to make up a story about what is happening. If we can do that, we get a chemical reward. It rewards us whether the story is true or not. - stories with limited data points filled in with values and ideals is a conspiracy
• the middle space: when you start something and are too far in to turn around and not able to see the end (the point of no return) - what people do in that space is what separates leaders from non-leaders
• this is where leadership is born and courage is formed
• this is a lonely and hard space
• experience gives us a little bit of grace to let us know we have done it before and can get through
• 3 things to go through - the reckoning: be able to recognize that something is happening in my feelings and identify them – something’s got me hooked and I’m willing to do something about it – Transformational Leaders: - do discomfort, real discomfort
• emotional awareness about themselves and the people they work with – emotion dictates change (we are emotional people who sometimes think)
• sit with someone and say “help me understand”
• the rumble (rumble with emotion) - be willing to walk in and be brave
• should have a value in truth with what is true and hard
• choose courage or comfort…can’t have both
• the revolution- this becomes part of what we do
• “When we deny the story it defines us. When we own the story we can write the ending.”
• it takes courage to tell people the story we are telling ourselves about challenging problems or situations and hear from them
• the bravest among us are those who are the broken hearted
• the physics of vulnerability are straight-forward–if you are brave enough often enough you will fail.
• Find a way to lean into each other and find a way back up. The risk is worth it.

Originally published on stephen.braunius.org