Session 5b Sheila Heen

Global Leadership Summit 2015
Session 5b
Sheila Heen
Thanks for the Feedback

  • Feedback comes in many different forms
  • “Feedback is my relationship with the world and the world’s relationship with me”
  • feedback is one of the toughest conversations that happens in all organizations
  • people all of the world struggle with feedback conversations
  • these conversations drive organizational learning, employee engagement, and cross-functional collaboration
  • in any exchange between giver and receiver, the receiver is in charge because they can choose what they want to receive
  • what might it look like to teach receivers how to receive feedback, even poorly delivered feedback
  • 2 human needs
    • the need to learn and grow (this is energizing) “feedback should be joyful”
    • the need to be accepted or respected or loved the way we are now
  • types of feedback (we need all three)
    • A ppreciation being noticed by others which gives motivation
    • C oaching anything that helps you grow, learn, get better (as you get more senior you have a tougher time receiving coaching)
    • E valuation rating and ranking
  • 93% of American workers feel under-appreciated at work
  • evaluation and coaching get tangled together which removes the effectiveness of the coaching
  • even when we hear coaching we don’t always take it
    • it was wrong
    • we don’t trust them
    • being too stubborn
    • being too young
    • many others reasons…
  • boundaries are important “if you can’s say no then your yes’ are freely given”
    • we decide too fast (when feedback comes in we look for what is wrong and can always find something wrong)
  • 3 trigger reactions to feedback
    • truth triggers: is it true, good, accurate
    • relationship triggers: who is giving the feedback
    • identity triggers: the story you tell yourself about who you are and your wiring
  • skills to receiving feedback
    • (1) not deciding if the feedback is right or wrong and, rather, think about what the giver means
    • (2) See yourself clearly and accurately (everyone has blind spots)
      • facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, patterns of behavior, impact on others
      • talk to your friends for help: (1) supportive mirror to encourage around what is wrong with the feedback (2) honest mirror to find out what might be right with the feedback
  • when leaders become better receivers
    • receive more feedback
    • become a role model
    • automatically become a better giver
  • become a better giver
    • don’t ask people for feedback in a general way
    • “one thing” pick one person who matters in my life and ask:
      • What’s one thing you particularly appreciate?
      • What’s one thing you see me doing – or failing to do – that you think I should change (or is getting in the way?
  • “We need each other to see our own limitations and where to grow next”
  • “Feedback accelerates your personal, professional, and spiritual growth”