Session 5a: Mastering the Art of Crucial Conversations, Joseph Grenny

2014-08-15 9:39 AM

  • “The power of a group a function of the purity of its motives”
  • “Are moments of disproportionate influence? Moments where how someone behaves has an enormous effect on every result you care about?”
  • Crucial Conversations:emotionally complex moments defined by 3 dimensions
    • opposing opinions
    • strong emotions
    • high stakes
  • Big idea #1: The principle of crucial conversations anytime you find yourself stuck, stop and ask: “What crucial conversation are we not holding or not holding well?”
    • “when it matters most, we tend to do our worst”
    • how do I behave differently toward a person when I have a negative conclusion about the person? It impacts our behavior and probably isn’t helping
    • along our journey toward a super-awesome goal we will have crucial conversations
    • 2 options when approaching a crucial conversation
      • talk it out
      • act it out (if you don’t talk it out, you will end up acting it out)
    • at a really young age we believe a myth that undermines all of our relationships “You have to choose between telling the truth or losing a friend”
    • you can measure a health of a relationship or team based on the number of untalkables
    • Your job as a leader to model, teach, coach, and measure
    • 3 crucial moments in churches
      • performance problems wiht volunteers or staff
      • members who are struggling in sin or disconnecting from the church
      • concerns with pastors
    • crucial conversations are a pit or a path upward toward our goal
    • crucial conversations can become a path to intimacy
    • crucial conversations are a trust-building accelerant”
    • identify the 2 or 3 crucial conversations that most impact the mission of the organization
    • learn to focus on crucial conversations
  • The principal of crucial conversations: the vital behavior that enables most any positive organizational outcome is CANDOR at moments of acute emotional and political risk**
  • results in individual influence, teamwork, productivity, marriage success, diversity, quality, safety
  • seven crucial sills
    • start with heart
    • learn to look
    • make it safe
      • 2 things to do in the first 30 seconds of the crucial conversation to have a 97% chance you will be heard
        • mutual purpose – the entrance condition – you know that I care about your goals
        • mutual respect – the continuance condition – you know that I care about you
      • People never become defensive about what you’re saying. People become defensive because of why they think you’re saying it.
    • master my stories
    • STATE MY path
    • explore others’ path
    • move to action
  • The myth that we can’t tell the truth and keep a friend keeps us from reaching our full potential